This post on bustedhalo.com's Give Fast Pray Lenten calendar hits a little too close to home:
March 23
However, although I know the time will never be "right" I am still considering whether or not the decision is right.
Moving on...
Last week I broke my fast for Lent. On Tuesday night after school I was recovering from a pretty rough 24 hours. A friend had called me out on some poor behavior and I was feeling a lot of different things in connection to her accusations. Mostly, I thought she was being unfair, but I was also struck by how much I let her opinion affect me and how worried I felt that her opinion would influence how some of our mutual friends might think of me. I also received a very upsetting and frustrating e-mail from a parent in regards to her son's grades in my class.
Something I don't think many people realize is that when a student in failing in your class, the first thought most teachers have isn't "What's wrong with this kid?" the first thought is, "What's wrong with how I am teaching this kid?" Meaning, most teacher-- most good teachers-- blame themselves when a student doesn't succeed. It hurts to have a student not do well, and it makes me question what I am doing as a professional; but to then have a parent call you out on it, basically affirming all the terrible, negative things you think about yourself... well that's extremely hard to bare.
So, when I got home on Tuesday, I sat down on the couch, binge watched the entire series of The Jinx, and took a nap. This is exactly what I wanted to give up for Lent! Ugh, I felt like such a failure in that moment and the tone and overall theme of The Jinx did not help me to feel any better (though, I'll agree it is an awesome show. Highly recommend it.)
But did napping help? I woke up around 9 pm, made a quick plan for the next day, and officially went to sleep. Wednesday went much more smoothly. I got a better perspective on what happened between myself and my friend, and my meeting with the parent went so well that she even apologized for the tone of her e-mail. We were basically both able to discuss our concerns and frustrations with her son and created a better plan for helping him the future. I also had his reading support teacher sit in on the meeting and thank God I did! She is a veteran teacher who was able to give so many more ideas and thoughtful suggestions to the conversation than I ever could have.
Teaching is such a draining profession that it can be extremely rejuvenating to receive the advice of someone who has been at it for years--if not decades--because it let's you know that someone else has been there too and has gone on to not only survive, but to thrive in the classroom.
As for the issue with my friend, in the time since it happened, I realized the problem is not so much with me, but rather with her. Mr. Lincoln had it right when he said, "you can't please all of the people all of the time." In the end, I don't think anything major will come of it, and I'm happy to move on.
So yeah, I think the napped help. The problems all got fixed and everything calmed down without me doing anything but waiting. Sometimes that's all you have to do.
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